Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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