A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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