im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
