So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
