I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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