Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
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