I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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