Don't you send me to vm
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
