I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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