At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
