just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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