Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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