He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
false alarm, still single
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
