I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
