need another drink. this is the easiest way
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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