to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
