I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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