this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
