Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
