apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
