and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
only if we run a train.
done.
the day after is always just damage control
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm like, not good at living.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
