that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Randomize
