Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
