I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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