Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
They took my balls.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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