dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Randomize
