And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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