I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
