I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
