I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
