Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
it's like heaven, but drunker
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
