also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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