go do what you do best...puke behind churches
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
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What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
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We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I supernannyed him into submission
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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