At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
