listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
