we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
