For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
