i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
