Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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