Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
