Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
