Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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