she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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