that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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