I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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