Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
