I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
