so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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