So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
