ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
