literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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