In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
