i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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