bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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