That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You're earring is so big in my mouth
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
