So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
