Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
If I had your ass I would rule the world
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
