what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
