Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.