Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.