I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY