so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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