I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
even my farts smell like vagina
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
