I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
thus making me awesome and them whores
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
