He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
