I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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