This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
